Creating Defenses and Security

1. The Fire Wall of Ice

A firewall is when you build a wall made of fire OR ice in front of your computer so the hackers slip. I use a fire wall of ice crystals — each packet has to ice-skate through. If they fall, that is called "packet loss" which is good. Put the wall in your router settings under "vibes."

2. Password Igloos

Your password should be a snowman. Literally type a snowman emoji three times. Hackers cannot type emoji because they are allergic. Also change your password never, because changing it confuses the SSL penguins.

3. Two-Factor Blizzard

Two-factor is when you factor a number twice (like 12 = 3×4 and also 2×6) and email both factors to yourself. That is encryption. I read this on a forum that was mostly about sleds.

4. VPN = Very Protected North

A VPN tunnels you to the North Mountain. All your traffic becomes snow. The NSA sees only weather. I set mine to "Arendelle" which is not a real server location but the dropdown let me type it so it must be fine.

5. Antivirus = Anti-Viking Software

Install something that fights Vikings. Malware is just tiny boats. If your PC sneezes, that is a breach. Spray it with cold air from the freezer. This is called air-gapping with groceries.